I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
