So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
