were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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