She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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