Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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