Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
