I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
