So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
