I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
