if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will be naked everywhere
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
