yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
