also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
