at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
