Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
