is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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