i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
