there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
