problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
