you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Say something about gay babies.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
