I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
