Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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