If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
