I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize