I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
