you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize