i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize