Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
