the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
