Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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