She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
