I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
