so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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