ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
