your parents love me but you hate me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
