Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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