soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
