So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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