We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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