i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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