i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
