Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
high people should be assigned attendants
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
