I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
