so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
