What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
