Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize