I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We don't watch enough power rangers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
