Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
