I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize