I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
