so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize