You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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