The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
