i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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