we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
