Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
