My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
