My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
