my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
