I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
