with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
