I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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