We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need water and some morals
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize