you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's like iHOP with fire
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
