I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just had sex bonerless
Little spoons don't ask big questions
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
