you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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