I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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