Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
